I was watching Ballers last week with my husband, Rob. He likes it because of The Rock. I like it because of its satirical misogyny.
We’re only on the 3rd season but there was this one scene, where they’re stuck in traffic and had to decide whether or not to try to make it to the “big meeting” when Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson goes into his inspirational monologue based on his character’s dad.
He says, explaining the moment his dad meets his boss for the first time in 30 years, “My dad realized at that moment that he could have been that guy behind that desk. But he realized it too late. We’re all just a bunch of guys Joe. Some of us believe that we can do anything. Some of us believe we can’t. So when you ask me why I want to do this, my answer is because I know what kind of guy I want to be.”
What I found most delightful wasn’t The Rock’s “swoll pontificating” (although I do have a lot of feelings about this character). It was a simple thought, “I want to be the guy who can do anything”.
This is the PERFECT example of how we choose our thoughts to work for us (or against us).
A seemingly disruptive CIRCUMSTANCE, stuck in traffic, at first, may seem like the reason why they won’t make it to the meeting. But in reality, it’s his passenger’s thoughts of “I'm stressed, this is terrible, were never going to make it”, that fuels the desire to give up.
If they both believed that they should give up, they would have sat in the traffic and missed the meeting. BUT because of the THOUGHT, "I know what kind of guy I want to be”, the thought created the FEELING of determination. It fueled them both to take ACTION to make it there. And BOOM! A new RESULT was created in the form of...ummm, a Las Vegas football team??? I don’t know, I’m only on Season 3!
Regardless, the moral is it was the THOUGHT that completely changed the trajectory of their actions and therefore their results (abandon car on I-95 and make the big meeting). That wouldn’t have happened if they decided to think, “We’re not going to make it, let’s just give up.”
Here’s how most people believe life works:
1. Situation or circumstance (usually beyond our control) MAKES us feel X.
2. We don’t have control over the situation so we believe can’t control or get confused about how to think/feel.
3. Feel powerless, out of control, tell ourselves, “What the point, let’s give up”.
4. Have shitty results, live a shitty boring life, feel terrible about the circumstance.
This is how life ACTUALLY works:
1. Situation happens. Let’s call it CIRCUMSTANCE.
2. We have a THOUGHT about what’s going on.
3. The thought gives us context for what FEELING we should be having about it.
4. Which lead us to take an ACTION based on the thoughts and feelings we have about the circumstance.
5. Get a RESULT from the actions (or inactions) we took in response.
My friends, this is the holy fucking grail of mindset work.
It’s called The Model and it’s based on successful cognitive-behavioral research and simplified by one of my mentors, Brooke Castillo. It's extremely useful in helping you manage emotional distress, poor behaviors, bad habits, and the overall existential shittiness we sometimes feel.
Here’s The Model in action.
You get the idea...
I've been using the Model for over a year, in my personal life and work. Within that time it helped me:
And now, it’s helping me create a six-figure business from home. I highly encourage you to try it!
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